You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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