I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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