dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
