"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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