honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
