end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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