Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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