You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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