My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize