Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
