Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
