you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
