Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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