When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm having to shit out rocks
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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