What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
