Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
