Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
