I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
