Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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