I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
