you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
