By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
