If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
