i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
