Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
