Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
