Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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