I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
