oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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