I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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