I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
