Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
