# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
