This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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