When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
