i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
