More tranny stories later!
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
