The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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