Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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