You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
