yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
