Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
