Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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