Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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