Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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