In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
