Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
