i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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