New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
