I like to think it a success when the cops are called
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He shit in the fireplace
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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