this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
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She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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