We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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