Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I want to be your penis for a week.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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