So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
