Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
