I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh god it's open bar.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
