It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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