im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
