I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
