if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you cant smoke seaweed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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