I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
