rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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