I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
