Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
