a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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