get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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