Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
