Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
