you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
