Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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