why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
