I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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