They should really pass out barf bags in church
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
