i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
