You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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